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What do you give to a man who has everything?

Comeuppance, that’s what!

The season of giving is approaching faster than ever this year, due in no small part to the crass commercialization of the holidays by big money-grubbing corporations. As you probably know, the day after Thanksgiving — Black Friday — is the biggest jewel in that profit tiara, and happens to fall on Friday, November 23 this year.

What you probably don’t know is that November 23 also happens to be the 52nd birthday of one John Schnatter, CEO of Papa John’s Pizza. Yes, that John Schnatter — the 40,000 sq. ft Castle-living, 22 car garage owning ruler of all he surveys. He of the “ I will have to lay off people due to the Affordable Care Act (aka Obamacare) because it will cost 14 cents more per pizza” fame.

Yep, John Schnatter’s birthday is right around the corner, and here’s a way to celebrate it:

Click on the following link (PDF), download this special birthday message, print a bunch of copies (spend a couple bucks at Kinkos if you don’t have a printer — your nation will thank you), then on Friday, November 23, mosey on over to your local Papa John’s Pizza. As people go in, smile and hand them a copy. Who knows, once they discover what kind of man Papa John Schnatter really is, they just might turn around and go get their heartburn somewhere else. 

If there’s no Papa John’s nearby — no problem. Just go to a shopping area and hand them out to people as they forage for the best Black Friday specials. If you’re feeling really industrious, place a copy on car windshields. Hey, even if you’re just walking the dog, drop off a copy or two at your neighbors’ houses.

Help to educate the public on what this modern day Scrooge is up to.

By alerting people to Schnatter’s actions and comments, you will also cause other companies to think twice before following Papa John’s lead. After all, CEOs hate public exposure even more than they hate minimum wage laws.

But hey, forget about other CEOs — this is John’s day! He’s a bully, he’s mean-spirited, and obviously very, very greedy, so let’s give him a birthday he won’t soon forget.